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  • Writer's pictureHanky

Seniors Uprising Coming?

If you are a home owner, you will have just paid your property tax. And if you also are a senior citizen, you probably have had to overcome some new obstacles in doing so. We are of course referring to the new home owner grant system. For in the past, when taking your tax assessment for payment at the townhall, all you had to do was sign that form and the government employee serving you would take care of the whole process. Not longer so - now you have to go on-line and try to figure out how to navigate through the electronic bureaucracy which requires more computer skills than most old folks can muster. When in that position, seniors can only hope they get assistance from visiting children or grandchildren or some other young person. Failing that, they can spend several frustrating hours muddling through it themselves - and in the end will still be worried whether they have gotten it right or if maybe their application is turned down (even might get fined for a mistake!).

Clearly the home owner grant protocol has turned into another anxiety factor adding to the deepening depression that many of our seniors are experiencing - firstly brought on by the Covid-enforced isolation and the continuing restrictions and regulations that have taken all joy out of life in the “golden years”. Ask any old folks that have just taken a holiday abroad - first one since 2019 - about the rigmarole connected with returning to Canada. Oh, there is “an app” for that, you have been told, but then you find out it’s “a nap”, and more likely a nightmare. And there’s the rub - more and more of our daily activities are driven by technology. Whether it’s for ordering products, making appointments, paying bills etcetera, all are performed through the use of computerized equipment, whether it be table-top, lap-top, hand-held or pocket devices. And it has become the norm that more and more services nowadays can be accessed only through such devices. That’s too bad for old people who are stuck in their old-fashioned ways (which includes talking face to face). The few of them that do own a cell phone only use it for talking - they are intrigued to use it for ordering breakfast with their choice for having their hashbrowns shredded or cubed, now they can also have them “tagged” (just press the # key).

When you are in a restaurant, you may have noted how many young couples - often with kids - do not talk or look at each other, because they are too busy texting (probably to each other). But occasionally you see an older couple

holding each other’s hands (instead of clutching that cell phone) and conversing face to face - complete with eye contact!! - just how weird can they be?!

Quo vadis is the old question

Where are we going indeed

1/3 SpIT 3/1

It is already possible to use a cell phone to check one’s vital signs, like heart rate, blood pressure and sugar levels. But to keep our senior citizens safe and sound, we need to do a lot more - for that purpose the Spuzzum Institute is happy to announce the near-completion of their Une-de-Trois SpIT Three-in-One

self-diagnostic Old Age App - truly an OAApp for people on OAS. All the cell phone owner/holder needs to do is fart on the cell phone and the triple chip function of the personalized app will display information in three different areas - Medical (1) - Environmental (2) - Economical (3).

(1) Our OAApp provides a complete analysis of the farter’s metabolism and digestive system (with helpful suggestions for possible remediate action.

(2) This device measures quality and quantity of all possible pollutants, like methane, carbon dioxide and sulphur amongst others, and provides a rating in accordance with the CGI (= Climate Change Index)

When your screen turns DOM-red it signifies you as a Dirty Old Man - but when it turns GOF-green you are classified as a Good Old Fart.

(3) You SAVE energy, as every fart recharges your cell phone.

You’ll never have to plug in your phone again, as long as you keep

providing your own wind energy.

The attached photograph shows the raspberry reaction to the proposed app from Master. X, the youngest Spuzzum Institute graduate, not even two years old. But for most of us adults it is easy to see how the proper use of this advanced Spuzzum technology would not only be beneficial to elderly folks but could help bring a fruitful solution to our ailing, antiquated and overloaded health care system. The shortage of doctors and nursing staff can be overcome by having more and more elderly self diagnose and administer their life’s essentials To achieve this, however, we have to establish basic goals and requirements - firstly we have to bring about a change of attitude in our seniors so they are able to fart on their phones with joy and confidence. Instead of filling them with injections and oral and anal medications that induce more anxiety and fear in their minds, we should instill their souls with the same care-free joie-de-vivre we see in the two-year-old boy above.


The baby boomer generation have all passed 60 and very shortly they will start to reach 77, Canada’s Life Expectancy Level. It’s the most feared group by all levels of government, as they are expected to add an even more overwhelming burden on the health care system. As a form of “endearing intimidation” the government has come to refer to the 77-plussers as “living on borrowed time” (implying that the government could “call the loan” any time - more unnecessary fear). This must be stopped.

We, the already-over and about-to-be 77, are being united in the “77-and-beyond” club with the goal of showing the rest of the nation that these “old farts” can still contribute a great deal to a community’s well being, and that the wisdom we have gathered through overcoming many adversities can be put to good use to turn nausea into joy for everyone. All we ask is for a little respect - to begin with for governments to stop the lie that we are “living on borrowed time”. Acknowledge instead that we old people are

LIVING ON OVERTIME - and that should pay time-and-a-half!

At present no action by the 77-and-beyond club is planned nor foreseen. But we reserve the right to seek an audience with the Prime Minister. Even when we may have to struggle up Sussex Drive with our canes and walkers, our scooters and wheelchairs, we shall remain courteous in presenting our Missing Finger Formation salute, which still is twice as respectful as what the Prime Minister is accustomed to receiving from many younger Canadians, right!?!

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